For months I’ve been dealing with the lack of communication between WS2 and I. It has been really difficult to go through.

A few Friday’s ago, I sent BH an email letting him know that I wanted to set up dates for WS2’s summer visit with me. He wrote me back saying that he would let WS2 and I discuss it like we did before with Spring Break. I told him that I have been trying to call and all I get is voicemail and no returned calls. BH said he would tell WS2 to call me again.

Well, WS2 called me about 10 minutes after that email. He called from BH’s cell but only called my home phone. But I wasn’t at home, dontchaknow. I’m still trying to figure out why he didn’t call my cell when he didn’t get an answer at home….. (my guess is that BH was fishing for info to see if I was at home in NY or in TX since he said he didn’t “have good numbers for me”. I let him know that none of my numbers have changed.)

Anyway, BH emailed me back right away to say that WS2 had just tried to call but there was no answer. I told him I wasn’t at home and would he have WS2 call me on my cell. BH emailed me back saying that WS2 was already gone to “a previous engagement”. WTF?? I’m not allowed to know where my son is?

That following Sunday night I called WS2 thinking that SURELY he would answer since he had just tried to call me that Friday before. I thought this was logical reasoning since he knows I call every Sunday night at 8:30.

You guessed it. He didn’t answer.

That’s when I made my decision.

I can’t keep putting myself through this anymore. I need a break from this and the break starts now. I decided I’m not calling him for a while. And if that means that he doesn’t come for a visit this summer, then so be it. He knows that I call, and he knows that I want to make plans for his visit. If he can’t have the decency to answer or call me back, then it’s not going to happen. I want off this emotional roller coaster for a while.

Why should I be treated this way? If this were anybody else, I wouldn’t put up with it. Why should he get away with it just because he’s my son? Why should I subject myself to this form of treatment?

So I’m taking a break from calling WS2 on Sunday nights.

I know there will be people who don’t agree with my decision to do this, but I’m just. so. tired. I can’t handle another week of this right now. I won’t stop calling all together, I just need to take some time away from it. Like I told my mom, I’m putting it on the shelf for a while.

How about you? Have you ever had a one-sided relationship with anyone? And didn’t it totally SUCK? What did you do about it?

When the boys went to live with their dad and SM, it was all through temporary court orders. It was the ONLY way I would agree to them moving. In my mind I was hoping and praying, and literally counting on the fact, that they would come back to live with us. Then it would all be an easier legal process for that glorious day. (If you believe that flimsy excuse, “I’ve got some… OCEAN FRONT PROP-ER-TY in Arizona”…. sing it George!!) It was my way of leaving the door open for them to come back.

Ok, OKAY!! Fine!! It was my way of leaving the door open, well, for ME.

I wasn’t able to close that emotional door for the permanency of the transition. I hope my only fault here was having too much hope. Hoping that it was all just one miserable, awful, nasty nightmare and that I would soon wake up to sunshine, daisies, and the world once again rotating on its axis. I tell you this because I need you to have background. History, baby. You know, where you’re supposed to actually learn from your mistakes? During this temporary court order, I was able to call and talk to WS1 and 2 most any time on their cell phones.

Then as time passed, like about a year, BH had me served with court papers saying that he wanted permanent residency for the boys. Enter another emotional break down by the Yankee Wife. It’s one of those events where you’ll always remember where you were when it happened. As always, Hubby was my rock. (Thank you again, Hubby.  I love you!) At the time I felt like I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.  The boys still wanted to be there (sob), WS1 was established in high school and doing well, and I didn’t want to disrupt their lives. (YES I DID!!  I wanted them to pack all their stuff, say goodbye to their friends, and come back more than anything in the world!) That emotional door of transition was “fixin’ to hit me, where the good Lord split me”, whether I liked it or not.

Anyhoo, SM started taking both the boys cell phones up at night so they wouldn’t talk/text with friends during the night.

Whaddya know… I TOTALLY AGREED WITH THIS!

WS1 was a teenager with friends, so he always, ALWAYS, got his phone before the sleep was even out of his eyes the next morning. But WS2 was still in the ‘I-have-friends-but-they’re-not-my-ENTIRE-LIFE’ phase, so after his homework he would be ‘busy playing outside’ and the phone would be left “in her drawer”. The next day would turn into the next day into the next day. I talked to WS1 pretty often (during this time anyway), but it got to where WS2 hardly ever had his cell. When I would call the home phone, NO ONE WOULD EVER ANSWER. I have proof people. Don’t they know detailed call history logs don’t lie? I have it right here in black and white. When confronting BH with this, he told me flat out “we don’t answer the home phone”.  I have proof of this in many an e-mail as well. I mean, WTF??  I told (ok, maybe it was YELLED….yes, definitely yelled at) him he was preventing me from having communication with my kids.

He said, AND GET THIS, “you can call them anytime you like”.

Well, of course I can call them anytime I want! It’s getting a freakin’ ANSWER that’s the problem.

INTERMISSION

YW

wife@yankeewife.com