Have I mention I’m sleep deprived?

I’ve always had a problem falling into sweet slumberland, but after the boys went to live with their dad, I JUST. COULDN’T. SLEEP. I would lie awake at night wondering and worrying about them. One thought would lead to the next.

How were they doing?

Were they happy?

Do they ever think about me?

Will they always remember how much I love them?

And that’s just the beginning. The list just goes on, and on, and on. Enough to drive me crazy. And not sleeping was DEFINITELY NOT helping my mental state. The less I slept, the more miserable I became (which means, the more miserable Hubby became because remember-“happy wife = happy life”). And the more miserable I was, the less I slept. What an UGLY, vicious circle I was whirling around in.

I finally made an appointment to see my doctor.  I was feeling tired and soooooo depressed (spoken in my best Droopy the Dog impersonation). After prescribing an awesome anti-depressant, my doctor asked me a few pop-quiz questions about my sleeping habits.

I think most of my answers were “D-All of the above”.

I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia.  Lovely.  Just lovely.  Now I have one MORE thing to think about when I’m trying to go to sleep and can’t because of all the things I’m thinking about!! ~big sigh~ Then my doctor prescribed a sleeping pill for me. It was called Ambien CR and it was supposed to be my new BFF. My doctor told me to have a good nights sleep, and sent me on my way. I yawned all the way home really looking forward to going to sleep that night.

OMG! Best nights sleep EVER!! Did I say EVER? Because I meant IN MY ENTIRE LIFETIME.

I absolutely LOVED the help I was so desperately needing from this tiny, delicious, magic pill.

Hello, my little friend!

Ambien and I had a great relationship. At first.

After a while she started to turn on me. She would make me sleep while she would be up tip-toeing around the house doing crazy little things behind my back. At first I thought it was funny, and maybe even a little cute.

Mmmm, not so much.

Things like, opening the window next to our bed in 40 degree weather in the middle of the night. ~groan~ then another night, Hubby and I were staying at a hotel in NYC. The next morning I woke up and found the remote on the floor on the other side of the room. What the…??? I asked Hubby why he put it there (it just couldn’t have been my fault…) You know what he said? That the night before he kept asking me to turn the tv off. He said I kept saying “ok” each time he asked, but then the last time he asked, I yelled “FINE!”, turned off the tv, and threw the remote across the room.

Threw the remote! Like a rock through a window.

I don’t know for sure, but I’m thinking Hubby probably just rolled over and started snoring again.

Because that’s how he rolls.

I started having my doubts about my new BFF. THEN to top it all off, one night I fell asleep smack dab in the middle of SEX!!! Wha?? I woke up to a dark room and a snoring husband. What the???

WAIT ONE FREAKIN’ MINUTE!

What did I miss? I woke the hubs up and asked “was it good for you? was it good for ME??” What if it was the most awesome, fireworks-flying, world-rockin’ night of SEX… EVER??!?

And that’s when I knew it was over with my ol’ pal Ambien. I had to end it. I just HAD to. Those random episodes of drug-induced amnesia can BITE ME!! I mean, next thing you know, I’d be driving myself to get my 2 a.m. Taco Bell fix and not even have the pleasure of remembering my own burrito farts later.

I have a new sleepy time friend now. She’s a very distant cousin of my former friend but I take her to bed every night.

I LOVE HER.

She gave me my life back. Now I can be wide awake while my world is rockin’.