I’ve never read the story of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I’ve only heard stories about it.

I’ve never even seen the movie. I’ve only seen pictures of it.

I’ve heard the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde” many times but I’m not sure how I learned what it meant. Can I say “I just knew?”

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say:  The work is known for its vivid portrayal of a split personality, split in the sense that within the same person there is both an apparently good and an evil personality each being quite distinct from the other. The novella’s impact is such that it has become a part of the language, with the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde” coming to mean a person who is vastly different in moral character from one situation to the next.

Lately I’ve dubbed myself just that. Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.

On Easter Sunday, I called WS2 to tell him Happy Easter. Again, and as usual, he didn’t answer the home phone or his cell phone. (If you’re new to my story, there’s some background here and here.) I’m starting to sound like a broken record, right?!  It’s because I keep getting the same ol’, same ol’.

~static…. skip. static…. skip.~

Most people, including me at one time (I hate to admit), think of a non-custodial mother as unfit  because of an addiction, abuse, or psychological problems. I didn’t have my children taken away from me. As boys, they wanted to get to know their father. I didn’t want them to go (Lord knows I struggled with THAT for a long time), but I wanted to give them that opportunity. If I had known that the situation would’ve turned out like it has, I’m not sure if I would’ve let them go. I feel they have been turned against me ever since. How does it happen that one day everything is JUST FINE as in the case of WS1, and the next day I hear “I DON’T TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE”? Do children just stop loving a parent on their own? If you’ve never heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, read this.

So one side of me-meet Dr. Jekyll- feels like I should keep trying. I want to keep trying. I don’t want WS2 to ever think that I gave up on him.  I can’t abandon him. What if it’s something beyond his control? If you know me personally, you know that I always give people an “out”, a reason why someone might be acting the way they do.  So I call every Sunday night at my scheduled time. And 99% of the time, I don’t get an answer. But I call anyway. I send gifts for all the occasions-Valentine’s Day, St Patrick’s Day, Easter, etc. And 100% of the time, I don’t get a ‘thank you’ call.  (Even though that’s not why I send them.) But I send them anyway.

Then a fed up, tired-of-it-all persona walks into my brain-meet Mrs. Hyde. I am sooooo tired. I’m emotionally tired. I’m sick-of-it tired. I’m tired of this one-way relationship. Most days I just feel like I wanna give up. I feel spiteful and think “I’m not going to call him this Sunday!”  I’m tired of WS2 not taking the responsibility to call his mother. He is almost 14 after all!! He knows that I love him with every ounce of my being. He knows that I cherish those phone calls like nothing else in this world. Why is this happening? THIS makes me want to say “Fine. I’m done.”  It all feels like a waste of time anyway. I’m just not getting anywhere. I feel angry, hurt, frustrated, and unfortunately, hopeless.

So there it is. I have choice A or B.  I don’t think I can live with either one.

I’m sure Jekyll will beat my “hyde”.