It’s been 19 days. An eternity. For-EVER! So last year!

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve talked to WS2. 19 days ago was December 26th. That’s the day I took him back to his dad’s after my Christmas visit with him.

I tried calling him to wish him a Happy New Year even though it wasn’t “my Sunday”. Obviously, the phone kept ringing…..

I’ve called every Sunday evening during “my phone visitation” time. Obviously, the phone has kept ringing, ringing, and ringing…. Three Sunday’s have gone by.

Tuesday I sent BH an email asking him to have WS2 call me. Wednesday I sent another email asking him to have WS2 call me. Today I’ve sent another email to BH to have WS2 call me.

I’m irritated over BH and SM and whatever their part is in this. I’m irritated over WS2 not calling me. He’s old enough to pick up the phone. I also realize that he’s not a phone call kind of kid. He’s a TEXTER. But we can’t text each other since he’s “not allowed to give out his new cell number”. I do trust our relationship though. No matter how long we’ve gone without talking before, we always pick up where we left off, having a great time together.

This makes me tired. I’ve always been known for having a lot of patience, but I gotta tell ya, I’m running out. Out, out, OUT.

I’m also scared. I’m scared that WS2 will be brainwashed and then our relationship will turn out like the one I have with WS1. If that happens, I will be absolutely DEVASTATED.

Here’s where I need your help! Will you PLEASE offer me some sort of advice on what to do next so that I don’t go completely insane?

It wasn’t a blow up or anything, but still, it adds to the continuing saga….

Here’s the short version- first, WS2’s phone was blocked (I still have that wonderful story to tell you), then his phone was “lost” (that’s a wonderful story too), and now get THIS: WS2 had gotten a new phone from his stepmother “SM” last Christmas. Then when he “lost” it, his former phone was reactivated (yes, the VERY phone that the stepmother gave him the day he was coming to see us for Christmas a few years back when she knew OUR present to WS2 was a NEW PHONE. AArrrggh… )

So, anyhoo, he had a low grade on his last report card and SM put him on restriction from his phone and video games. THEN, just a few days before his Thanksgiving visit with me, his restriction was lifted. Amazing, isn’t it??!  Always such perfect timing.

WS2 and I had a great Thanksgiving visit at my mom’s. We hung out 24-7 together, as always. Everything was great, until the very last few minutes. While we were waiting at McDonald’s* for BH to pick WS2 up, my mom was asking WS2 pop quiz questions about a book she gave him. I thought I’d help him out and text him an answer. So I waited and waited for his phone to ding. NO DING! NO VIBRATION! ZIP! ZERO! NADA! NOTHING! Finally, I asked him “did you get my text?” He said “no”. I said “I wonder why…” Gee, could it be SATAN?? (Sorry, couldn’t help thinking about SNL)

Then it hit me! I asked him “do you have a new number?!” and he said, you got it, “yes”.

OH. MY. GOD.

I said “well give me your new number then”. He said “I can’t. I’m not allowed to give it out.” I said “but I’m your MOTHER! Why can’t you give it to me?” He said “I was told not to give my number out to anybody.” So of course I said “but you’ve been texting your friends, so THEY have it.” He said “only 3 people have my number.” I asked him “who told you not to give your number out?” I know you already know the answer, but here goes… he said “SM”.

OH. MY. GOD.

I had to leave the car. I went inside MAC-Donald’s to use the little girl’s room. If I could’ve screamed out loud I would have. I just screamed bloody murder, ON THE INSIDE.

When I calmly got back in the car, which was very difficult to do by the way, I said to WS2 “well, when your dad gets here, I’ll ask him why I’m not allowed to have your number.” Wow. You could’ve heard a pin drop.

When BH did finally get there and WS2 and I were getting his bag out of the trunk, WS2 said “are you really gonna ask him?”

YES I AM.

WS2 said “Mom, please don’t say anything!” But WHY?? “because Mom, please don’t!” But I’m your MOTHER. I should be allowed to have your number. “I know, but please don’t say anything. I hardly even use this phone and when I do it’s to text my friends. I don’t talk on it or anything.” But what if YOUR MOTHER wants to send you a text or call you? “we talk on Sundays, Mom.” (I wanted to say, “not really” but bit my tongue.)

I could tell he must’ve had a really good reason for not wanting me to bring this up, he just didn’t share with me exactly what his reasons were. Who knows? Maybe he gets grief over the whole thing at home? Maybe BH and SM fight about it and WS2 doesn’t want to feel in the middle of it? Maybe WS2 knows what’s REALLY going on but he’s just trying to keep the peace??

What do YOU think??

* By the way, there’s an ongoing discussion between hubby and I. Do you say MICK-Donald’s or MACK-Donald’s??

ok, I’m just gonna throw it out there….. things have been pretty quiet on the “X-front”. If you could see me, you’d notice I’m knocking on every last piece of wood I can find.

As you know by now, I’ve had my attorney set aside Sunday nights for WS2 and I to talk. And you also know by now that THAT doesn’t always work either. If one or two weeks go by, I usually let it go, thinking that I’ll talk to him the following Sunday. But when the THIRD WEEK comes along, that’s where I draw the line. As soon as I don’t get an answer, I shoot off an email to BH asking him to please have WS2 call me since it has been 3 weeks since I last talked to him. If I don’t get a call the following day, I send another email saying that I still hadn’t gotten a phone call and to please have him call me AGAIN. This “spamming” goes on until I get a call. Usually it takes until Wednesday for BH to have WS2 call me. You’d think he’d want to avoid cluttering his inbox with nagging notes from me. You’d think his WIFE would get irritated over it enough that she would just let the phone calls happen on Sunday nights instead. (I’ve learned she has a freaky controlling streak, so I’d be extremely surprised if she didn’t review his emails. I have no proof though, I’m just saying…)

The last time I had to go through this process was on the third missed Sunday, October 18^th. Before that I hadn’t talked to WS2 since the end of September. What the?? I finally talked to him on Wednesday October 21^st. He said the reason he didn’t get the call the previous Sunday was because they had their carpets cleaned and had to unplug everything. I can always tell when his excuses have been told to him. He has a different tone in his voice and talks faster, as if he’s nervous. My poor ba-by! I never get upset with him over it because I feel that his dad and step-mom are behind it. Whatever. If they think they’re getting away with hurting me like this, they’re wrong. It doesn’t bother me like they think. They can waste their lives and use all their energy to “get back at me” all they want. Over time my anti-BS deflective shield has gotten higher and stronger. Yeah, that, and I just don’t care to fight the battles anymore. JUST FOUR YEARS AND EIGHT MONTHS TO GO til he turns 18.

So I talked to WS2 on Wednesday October 21 for about 15 minutes before he was told he needed to go. I called him the Sunday after that even though we had just talked a few days earlier. Just as I had expected. No answer. I talked myself into thinking it was ok though, since I was watching a Yankee game. Then about two minutes later the phone rings and whaddya know, it’s him! We talked about 20 minutes, had a great conversation. But Wow! TWO phone calls in ONE week. What’s a new one.

Maybe the step-mom IS tired of it after all……..

A mother can only hope.

For me, it was my first mammogram the other day. The good ol’ BOOB CHECK. Now I don’t want to fend off any of my MAN-ly readers, so I’ll just say that it wasn’t as painful as I had thought and imagined. I guess now is the time to be thankful that I don’t have as much “PAIN” to worry about as some women.

One thing that made it more bearable was the lady doing the… um,handling. Her hands were nice and warm, and we talked a lot. (Hi Mammo-Lady if you’re reading this!!) We discovered that we’re basically living parallel lives, except she has daughters. And she’s been going through it a little longer than I have. I’ve felt very alone in my situation until now. I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through this, but it felt soooo-ooooo good, I mean INCREDIBLY comforting to know that someone can understand exactly what I’m going through. She understands that I had to let my boys go so they wouldn’t resent me for not letting them get to know their father. She understands that if I’d said no, that they probably would’ve treated me horribly while having to stay with me. She understands. Yeah, I could definitely see us being friends and giving each other a shoulder to lean on.

This is how similar we are:

We both live in the same dinky country town.

She was miserable in her first marriage.

We both were afraid to divorce thinking the kids would be taken away by their fathers. We thought the only way out was DEATH. Our difference here is that I wished BH dead, while she was wishing herself dead. I really hate that she felt that way.

Her daughter hasn’t spoken to her in over five years, my son hasn’t spoken to me in two. I feel so bad to say that her daughter didn’t include or invite her to her wedding. That’s one of my fears, that I’ll never dance with my son at his wedding.

We feel that our estranged children have been brainwashed influenced negatively by their father.

We have a great relationship with our other child, and we’re so thankful for that.

Our 2nd husbands are God sends!! We love them infinitely. And by the way, her hubby is very TYPE A too! Ha!

We both have dogs (and I have a cat) that we love and that love us every day, all day long and save us from going insane. Pets are the best!

We both keep taking one day at a time.

We know there’s such a thing as HOPE. We live and breathe HOPE.

She gave me a compliment that left me speechless. (Can you believe that??) She said “You’ve made a huge sacrifice for your boys. That is such a great thing.”

Even though it doesn’t feel great, it was the first time I understood what that meant. I understood because I saw her as a reflection of me. I look at her and I admire her for all she does and for all that she’s gone through. I see that she’s made a sacrifice for her children. For her to say that about me left me feeling very uplifted . Maybe I’m not so bad after all…..

And THAT is such a great thing.

My oldest son just started his freshman year of college. MY son is in college?? My. SON. is. in. COLLEGE, YALL. With every momentous occasion, I feel older and older, but college? It just doesn’t sound right. I remember thinking when I was younger that people in their 40’s were old. Now I’m in my 40’s…. just not right.

A few nights ago, Hubby and I were having a business dinner with a sales rep and his wife (they paid by the way, since he’s hoping to get Hubby’s business). When she asked if we had children, I said I had two boys.

What a coincidence! She had two boys too!! Yea! Ages 3 and 5 MONTHS. Yea again! Butterflies and glittery pixies were flying everywhere! Wait, maybe that was the beer… whatever.

Then she asked me “how old are YOUR boys??” When I said 18 and 13 years, she paused and I instantly saw her internal calculator going beserk-o. Numbers were popping out of her eyeballs, flying out of her ears, and running out of her nose. I think I even saw one spinning out of her mouth. So, rather than let her think I was FOURTEEN when I got pregnant, I dished about my age. Hubby said “oh, you pulled out the age card, huh?”

Um, yeah. I did. She forced my hand.

She replied very kindly (or was it her chardonnay talking?) and said that I didn’t look old enough to have a son in college. What a really kick-ass (or wine-y) thing for her to say! Either way it was really cool. Even so, I felt old just sitting next to her. So experienced. Then she asked me for my best boy-raising advice. HA!! Me?? (who does she think I am, The Nanny?)

So my neurotic brain started scrambling for an answer…. what would my best advice be? Oh my gosh, I had to think quick! I mean, what advice do you give to someone when the mothering job you did ended with your kids wanting to go live with their dad, and that you only had hands-on parenting for half of their childhood? I didn’t feel like the mother to have been asked such a thing, considering this college age son of my mine WON’T EVEN TALK TO ME, and the younger one is so busy with sports and his friends that we don’t even have much time to hang out on the phone. Once another mother knows your freakin’ drama, how can you expect her to take your advice seriously? I mean, seriously?!!? Especially when you feel your advice sucks. As in goat testicles. She just had nooooo idea what was going on in my life, and of course, I wasn’t about to explain ALL THAT.

Thank God, the guys started laughing and interrupted our conversation, never to be talked about again. Whew! Saved again… See, I told you my hubby was my Knight In Shining Armor!! (He didn’t even know he saved me at the time. That’s just how awesome his knightly skills really are.)

Being a mother is the best and worst job EVER. Right now it’s in one of the ‘WORST’ stages. So yes, some days I feel old, beat down, ready for the glue factory. You know, like those smelly, fly infested carnival ponies that you can ride around on for a couple or three circles.

(By the way, I generally have really good, even great days. Most of the credit goes to my Hubby. Love you honey!)

Since I’m more experienced, I know that sweet, cute, dimply, fresh-out-of-the-bath smelling babies turn into mean, hormone-raging, selfish, smelly teenagers. (If God had given us teenagers first, I don’t think any of us would have more than one.)

So I guess my advice would be to love your children unconditionally-you’ll need it for whatever’s around the corner!

Just curious, what’s YOUR best motherly advice?